they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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