Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
