Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
