You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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