Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
