he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Randomize
