she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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