Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
