you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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