Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
