her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Randomize
