the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
you win again, gameday.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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