I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
