Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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