I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize