Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
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