hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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