guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Randomize
