i'm signing you up for texting rehab
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
