I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
