She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
