Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
