pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
