So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Randomize
