so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
It was confusing and full of hummus
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
did i just pee glitter
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
