I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
