you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
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The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
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I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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