When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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