I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
