we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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