If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
