I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
