its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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