Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
