If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
