Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
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