Three words: puerto rican gang bang
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
