I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
