does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
