Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
