i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
