Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
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