Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
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