Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
