Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
