Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
