Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
