My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
