I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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