If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
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