I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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