Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
