Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
