My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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