We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
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