Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
