im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
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