Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
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