Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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