Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
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