So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
