I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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