I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
