ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
