Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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