am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
