I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
