I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
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