So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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