The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
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Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were trust falling into bushes
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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