shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Randomize
