If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
