Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
