Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
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Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
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i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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