no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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