I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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