dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Is it because I queefed?
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
