i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
