I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
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