I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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